Taking a Look Back at a Year of Running

2011 yielded quite a few successes and failures for my running. I'll be honest, the proudest thing I've done this year occured last Spring when I broke 11 minutes in the 3200 meters. But that definitely wasn't the only high point. Running sub-18 in Cross Country felt liberating... as if the entire summer of dreary treadmill tempo runs had materialized into something wonderful. But XC was host to the most frustrating decline I've ever experienced. Shortly after running a 17:51, I started struggling to break 18:30. My training go thrown off by an ineffective training program that focused too much on short fast workouts and not enough on endurance, the foundation of the sport. I felt my dreams and aspirations of running in the State cross country meet slipping away... and then they did. The single most dissapointing moment in my life occurred when I failed to make the mediocre cut to qualify for State. I remeber laying face down in the grass near the finish line absolutely crushed. I  had let my dream slip away... I didn't want to get back up. I remember thinking something very disturbing: "Why even try? I put in a full summer of running and this is my payoff?"
I was falling in a bad way. I felt like I had lost my identity. As much as I would love to completely blame my coach for training me idiotically, that seems a little too easy. At the end of the day, I've got nobody to blame but myself. For days after this failure, I became very depressed. I sat around and did nothing but listen to sad music and eat lots of snickerdoodle cookies.
Somewhere in the middle of all this self-loathing, I found some kind of an enlightenment that changed my entire philosophy of running. Running isn't about winning, or even meeting personal goals and expectations. It's about having fun. It took me 3 years to realize why I run: It's fun. I felt like I needed to run... and I did. And I didn't stop for another 13 miles.
I firmly believe that all things happen for a reason. The rise and fall of my performances created in me a new outlook on running. It's about getting in touch with something deep inside all of us that is very primal. Going into 2012, I feel better about running that ever... as if I was born to run. Maybe this will be the year I have a performance breakthrough, or maybe not. But at least I know I will have fun hiting the roads, the treadmill, and the track for another year!

Making the Step up to 10ks

So tomorrow will mark the longest race I have attempted to date: the 10,000 meters, 10k, 6.2 mile run. I'm just so tired of the 5K; I always cruise the first mile, push the second mile, and inevitable crash the third mile. Cross Country solidified the monotony of this race, and the unfortunate failure of my season provoked even more frustration with the old 3.1 mile sprint.  So tomorrow should be interesting. I know there is a lot of road between me an the finish line, so I'm hoping to go out no faster than 6:30 pace. I really don't want to crash in this race, and since whatever I do will be an instant PR, the stakes are very low, which feels good. I run best when I feel the least pressure. I look forward to toeing the line tomorrow for the first time in a while... I've been away from racing too long.